Posted by: pandamoanimum | November 30, 2010

New Kid on the Blog.

Confession time: I’m 34 years old and I’ve never written a blog before…

Whilst I’ve long had a natural curiosity about what blogging would be like and have always noticed that all the cool kids seem to be doing it, for some reason I’ve never gone all the way and publicly blogged before, preferring  to clandestinely scribble on the occasional notepad instead.

Normally I’ll always go for something which might actually hold my attention for more than a few minutes as I’m the sort of person who… ooh, Squirrel!… Sorry, where was I?…Yes, normally anything that looks like it might interest/intrigue/allow me to express myself in some way is embraced wholeheartedly… well, until the appeal wanes that is. (Hey, I’m a woman, fickleness allowed…check the small print).

However, as I’ve always had an ardent enthusiasm for words and writing (heck, I try and use both on a daily basis),  I do wonder why I’ve never really explored finding a place where I can log the perplexities that occur in the randomness of my mind (fear of incrimination and possible arrest perhaps?)

But I’m intrigued about blogging protocol. I would assume that *generally* bloggers would be completely candid in what they write, after all, isn’t a blog essentially a diary of some sort? (Well that’s what Wikipedia says anyway and Wikipedia never lies, right?) But then hold on a minute:  isn’t a diary usually a private place? A surreptitious sanctum to share your deepest, darkest, innermost hopes, fears, dreams, confessions etcetera or even a place where you can rant and slag stuff off?

Unlike a diary (unless of course you have negotiable hiding abilities), an online blog is, by definition almost, not private. Surely, if you’ve hit the publish button, then the very essence of your emotions that has poured forth from your very soul via your keyboard (not that I’m dramatic or anything) is now floating about in the Blogosphere, with every chance it may be stumbled upon by others who would then be privy to things you may have never shared before, whether  you ‘like big butts and you cannot lie’ or you ‘fought the law, but the law won’ (and you knew you should have gone to Claims Direct).

There’s always the anonymity aspect I suppose. Posting under a pseudonym would allow the writer to enshroud themselves in a Potteresque Invisibility Cloak so they can then afford to be entirely ingenuous without fear of retribution. But what about ego? Isn’t knowing there’s always that chance of someone reading what you have written where human nature kicks in? Don’t we all, deep down, want to be liked, to be taken seriously, admired even?

I suppose the cynical part of me just finds it hard to believe that, if someone has taken the time and energy to create a blog in the first place, there’s not a single part of them, no matter how small, that wants to ensure that they do good bloggage and are recognised as having done so, even if they’re blogging anonymously.

And then I wonder: are there really those, who get so caught up in the moment, that they can just bang out a blog and hit the publish button before they’ve even caught their breath? Not pausing to even read through what has just gushed from within, just wantonly emitting their stream of thought over their blog, completely unprotected. Writing bareback, you might say.

Maybe some do just see a blog as some sort of outlet. Somewhere to release pent up emotions, a surrogate friend, even a Confession box of sorts and who cares who reads it, or whether anyone reads it! Or even as a means of sharing things they would never dare disclose to people in their real world, secretly hoping that karma.com sends their covert musings far and wide enough into the Ethernet for other likeminded souls to discover.

Yes, OK. I suppose there is maybe a chance that I’m over thinking this, talking complete crap even (I do that sometimes). Or have I simply based all this analytical theorising on the subject of blogging…alright, the blathering drivel I’ve just typed…on my own angst and anxieties?

When I hit that aforementioned publish button, the self-doubting, insecure part of me hopes this blog remains wholly unread, my own private domain, free from possible disparagement or belittling remarks. Yet on the flip side, the narcissistic, shallow part of me that tends to remain deep within (though I occasionally let it out to stretch its legs) covets the possibility that someone might read what I’ve written and actually like it, enjoy it even.

They say your first time is the worst but that slight tingling whilst I was writing this outweighed the uncomfortable, awkward feeling.

So now, I’m just a girl, standing in front of an internet void, asking you to read her…or not.

*Hits Publish button*

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Responses

  1. Yep. You can carry on.

    🙂

  2. I started a blog and had these thoughts myself. I’ve kinda shelved it cos I wasn’t sure what I was doing with it or who it was for. I hope you keep your’s going cos I love you on twitter and loved reading this

    • Thank you, that’s a really lovely thing to say. I do plan to keep it going and I hope that gives you the enticement to take yours down from the shelf, dust it off and keep at it.

  3. Oh, I know all about shallow narcissism. I’d write a book about it were I not too busy being fabulous.

  4. My blog is rarely anything to do with my life. Whenever I’ve posted anything remotely personal, I actually started to weep blood, which is a bugger to get out of a deep shagpile. It tends to end up being doctored photos, puerile observations and rewritten kids TV shows. I think that’s more my level.

    Anyway, glad to see you’ve popped your blog cherry. I hope you decide to write more.

  5. welcome to the self indulgent, rambling, catheric blogging world. nice to meet you.

    i tend to write my blog to keep an edge on my sanity! sometimes i write stuff them remember it is public and have to edit it furiously!

    never kept a diary as my mum used to read everything. ironically now i publish my thoughts on line she doesnt even read them!

    http://www.northernmum.wordpress.com

  6. This is beautiful writing Manda, seriously well written. Write from your heart always and it will be something unique. Blather on and on and on please.


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